By Debbie Rivers. Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert.
If you have planned a date, it is easy to start worrying about what you will talk about. You want to create a good impression and dread those awkward silences when the conversation dries up. It makes you nervous!
That’s ok; feeling nervous before a date is normal. Your date is probably just as nervous as you are.
Coming up with what you will talk about can be one of the hardest parts of the early stages of dating. Because you want to have a good conversation that is fun without offending your date.
The real honest truth is that first dates can be awkward, especially if you are meeting someone for the first time. If you have been chatting online for a while, you have the added worry that the conversation will dry up quickly.
How do you have a good conversation?
It is important to be able to have an intelligent and fun conversation if you are looking to have a second date or fall in love. This doesn’t have to be as intimidating as it sounds if you have some easy-going conversation starters to use.
Below is a list of questions to make it easy for you. These questions get beyond the surface level so you can get an idea of who the person really is. They will help you see what you have in common and build a connection between you and your date.
I recommend choosing questions that suit your personality. For example, if you enjoy music, talk about that. If your passion is travel, start with that. The conversation will flow easily when you are talking about what you love with someone who loves the same things.
The key is to make sure you listen.
It is way too easy to worry about what you will ask that you forget to listen to the answer! So instead, always be genuinely curious about the other person.
When you use these questions, it is important to take the time to listen to the answer and ask more questions about their answer. Then give your opinion. Don’t fall into the trap of asking question after question, as this will feel like an interview. A good conversation is like a tennis match; it goes back and forth.
Here are some easy conversation starters:
- What’s on your Bucket List to travel to, do next or see in a concert? Use one at a time.
- If you could do anything at all on your weekend, what would it be?
- Have you been on any holidays lately? If yes, ask how they enjoyed it. If they haven’t been on any holidays, ask them where they would like to go when they can. Or ask what type of holiday they enjoy.
- Are you a pet person? You can ask them if they have a pet or had a pet.
- What was the first concert you went to? You can also ask what their favourite concert of all time was and why? Or when was the last time they went to a concert?
- What are some fun random facts about you?
- What’s something you would like to learn or be better at?
- Find out what their favourites are. What’s their favourite place, podcast, book, type of music, TV show or what they last binge-watched?
- You can ask if they have brothers or sisters, if they are an only child, or if they are a middle child. Or what they were like as a child.
Have fun learning about each other! Remember that you don’t have to agree with everything they say. You can either have a fun debate or agree to disagree and move on to another subject.
Never agree to try to impress a date; it generally backfires. Especially if you end up liking someone and they find out down the track. Lying, even white lies, are not a good foundation for a relationship.
Have fun, and be curious, so you can get out of your head and stop overthinking. Practice will make you more confident on your dates. It is all about getting used to talking to new people.
Debbie is a Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert who works with singles and couples. For over a decade she’s been empowering people to be successful in love and is obsessed with having bigger conversations about dating and relationships.