By Debbie Rivers. Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert.
You want to go and meet new people but all your friends are in relationships. You see singles events and like the idea but let’s be honest, the thought of going to a singles event alone is scary AF!
The thought of walking into a room full of people you don’t know is enough to give anyone anxiety. Will everyone think you’re a desperate and dateless loser for coming to a singles event, and alone no less? HELL NO!
No one will think anything like that, because they’re all in the exact same situation as you are. You’ll exude confidence, which is a massive turn on, so, in the words of Nike “Just do it!”. The truth is more people will go to a singles event on their own than they will do in groups.
I want to let you know that feeling nervous is completely normal. Oh, and everyone else is in the same position and knowing that makes it easier. Plus, singles events aren’t anything like they used to be years gone by. There’s no more stigma and all the best things happen when you push yourself out of your comfort zone.
Let me reassure you that it is often better to go to singles events on your own and, I will tell you why.
Benefits of going to a singles event alone
- People go to singles events because they are single. This means you don’t have to stress about talking to someone who might not be single.
- Going to an event on your own opens you up to meet people you wouldn’t have met if you were with friends. When you go to an event with a friend, it can be too easy to fall into the trap of staying in the safety zone of talking to your friend instead of meeting new people.
- You get the chance to form your own opinion of the people you meet. Friends have an influence on each other and can talk you out of talking to someone because of their own bias.
- You get to make the most of the night and stay for the whole event. Friends may often talk you into leaving early.
4 tips to make going to a singles event alone easier
People are thinking more about themselves
One of the biggest things that will make you nervous is being judged by other people. You worry about what they think about you. But believe me when I say they are thinking more about themselves and worrying about what you might be thinking about them. You are not standing out as much as you feel you are.
Change what you are telling yourself
When you go to the event saying things to yourself like, “No one is going to like me”, “I won’t fit in”, “They will judge me for having no friends”, “ I don’t look as good as others”, “I’m not dressed right”, “I’m so nervous”, etc., etc. The message you are sending out is insecurity. Instead, change what you are saying to yourself, so you radiate confidence.
Stop that negative story you are telling yourself! Instead, come from a place of self-acceptance. Try saying, “I’m open to meeting new and interesting people”, “I am proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone”, “Everyone is in the same situation as I am”, or “I am going to enjoy meeting different types of people”.
Give genuine compliments to others
Instead of focusing on yourself and how nervous you are, focus on making other people feel good. Walk up to someone and notice something unique they are wearing. It could be great glasses or stylish shoes and give them a genuine compliment. It creates a rapport between you.
Have questions you can ask
Having easy things to talk about will help you feel less nervous. I recommend you have some fun questions to ask (make sure you always take the time to listen to the answer). You can read our guide to easy-conversation starters blog. Or have a fun, short, sharp story to share.
Get Rid of Expectations
Get rid of your expectations and take the outcome out of the night! You might meet someone you want to date, but you also might meet a whole new group of friends, which is just as valuable. This will make being single more fun.
These are easy tips you can follow. It may feel scary but remember you aren’t going to meet someone binge-watching the latest series on Netflix! The good news is that the more you put yourself out there, the easier it will get.
Debbie is a Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert who works with singles and couples. For over a decade she’s been empowering people to be successful in love and is obsessed with having bigger conversations about dating and relationships.